My little warrior

We just got back from the beach. We had a blast with family and friends! We are so thankful for amazing family who took care of our kiddos the second half of the vacation so we could have time with friends! 

This picture struck me when I saw it. We always call Miller a "little warrior." It's simply a part of who he is (and probably all little boys). 

Look at him trying to do some serious damage to the splash pad! Nothing could stop him! 

Embarrassingly, when a new little boy entered the splash pad, Miller was so "in the zone" that he gave that little boy "the look."

Lee noticed and quickly said "Miller, that's your new friend. Go tell him hello!" 

Miller walked over to the boy and instead of saying hello, Miller "bowed up" at the little boy. (I can't believe I just told that on the blog 😊) true life. 

Lee shouted, "MILLER!" 

And before we could blink our son was running and playing again. (Sigh) 

One night on the beach we took the kids crab hunting. Miller was thrilled. He had his net and bucket and was sprinting through the condo with utter excitement. 

Then we got down to the beach. 

In a distance, lightening flashed and you could hear the sound of thunder. It was far away so we knew we were safe. 

But Miller was terrified. 

He hates storms, y'all. Like "crawl under the covers, plug his ears, close his eyes and cry" hates storms. 

His joy turned to utter fear. 

He wanted to go back into the condo... Now! 

But everyone else continued on crab hunting as if the lightening and thunder wasn't even in existence. 

I knew I had two options. 

1) take him back into the condo

2) help him face his fear

I chose the latter.

 But I decided to do it in a gentle way, not in a condesending "suck it up and come on" kind of way. 

I grabbed his hand, picked him up and explained to him that we were safe from the storm. I even tried to pull the whole "isn't it pretty?" card but he didn't buy that. 

I then said, "do you want me to pray for you?" He said yes and I whispered a short prayer over him. 

I wish the story ended with me saying that they prayer filled him with courage and he went on crab hunting with the storm in the background. 

But that's not the way our night ended. 

Instead, he clung tightly to my hand and walked everywhere that I went. He didn't let go for a second. At times I could even feel him shaking a little because he was so afraid. 

But he didn't cry.

He didn't demand his way. 

When we finally returned to the condominium (literally as soon as we walked through the doors), Miller grabbed both my legs and began hugging me as tight as he could. 

He looked up at me and said, "Mommy, now I'm so happy!!!" 

My sister-in-law and I just laughed and smiled. It was the sweetest scene because that boy was indeed so happy and thankful to be back indoors. 

So why did I blog this story? 

This part of our beach trip has stuck out in my mind. 

Miller trusts me because he knows I love him. He trusts me to feed, clothe, and bathe him. He trusts me in so many areas of life. 

However, his trust in me waivered when walking with me meant facing one of his greatest fears. 

Instead, he wanted to tuck tail and run. 

He desired to return to comfort and security. 

I am just like him in my walk with Christ. 

I trust Jesus in so many areas, but when He calls me out upon the waters to unknown and scary places, my trust waivers. 

I often tuck tail and run. 

I refuse to step out of the boat. 

Jesus I trust that you will provide for me but you want me to do what?? To give how much?? To live where?? To surrender what?? 

To adopt from Africa?? 

Luke 9:23-24

"Then He said to them all. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." 

Jesus, don't you see the lightening and hear the thunder? I can't possibly walk out there! 

Proverbs 3:5

"Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." 

I doubt because I don't trust.

I fear because I don't trust. 

The interesting thing about that particular splash pad was that it was fenced in. It was protected. It was also running on a censor so we could activate it whenever we wanted. So much of the splash pad can be controlled. 

My little boy is a warrior on the splash pad! 

But at the end of this life, being a warrior on the splash pad amounts to nothing. It is a chasing after the wind. 

I desire for Miller to be a warrior in the spiritual realm. I pray that he is dangerous for the kingdom of God. 

It is hard for a child to navigate unchartered territory. I pray that Lee and I would learn to trust God in all areas of life. To step out upon the waters. To face fears and conquer giants. As our trust in The Lord increases, His name will be magnified. 

Don't be a warrior on the adult splash pad! 

A look back over the past 2 months

 

I was so far behind on making my "monthly collages," but it turned out to be SUCH a blessing yesterday.

I sat down yesterday afternoon, turned on some music, and flipped through photos from this summer.

 

I knew that our summer had been "adventurous," but when I went through these pictures I was truly blessed by the memories that flooded my mind.

 

My sweet boys growing, playing and loving each other more and more.

 

Our old and new homes.

 

Our old and new lives.

 

We serve an awesome God who constantly blows me away by his goodness.

 

June 2014

 

Chip turned 9 months old!

Chip's first time riding in a buggy (without a car seat)

Girls trip to the beach!

Finished reading the Bible after 3 years!

MOVING DAY!!

Goodbye old house

Miller's countdown to moving day was over!

 



 July 2014

 

I knew that July was a busy month, but until I saw all of the pictures I didn't realize HOW busy it was! I eliminated and didn't add so much stuff and I was still forced to make 2 collages!

 

So here we go.

 

Chip turned 10 months old

Miller turned THREE!! (Miller and Mary Grayson celebrated at the water park).

The boys started a new daycare

New bathtub routine (which the boys love)

Chip joined Miller in the Kroger car for the first time

My sweet friend, April, got married!

Chip loves his MayMay

July was filled with activities at "Down Range" (this is nowhere near an exhaustive list)
Obstacle course
Fourth of July
Camp babies
Riding the Kubota
Girls night of worship/ End of summer
Chip has ridden many miles in the Ergo this summer!
Our two crazy, silly boys are in the middle of it all!

 

This recording is a sweet memory for me.
We sang worship songs around the camp fire and it was the sweetest time!
The lyrics to this particular song (Oceans) were what I prayed prior to moving.

Oh, and I love the crickets! They are seriously so very loud in the country. We can hear them over all of our sound machines!

 

Tomorrow is our 2 years DTE so stay tuned for an update.

Welcome back College Football!! We have missed you!

GO BULLDOGS!!



 

Our Adventurous Summer

I last blogged in May.

Wow.

I guess that goes to show how busy life has become over the past 3 months.

 

First things first... our adoption!

 

Yes, we are still adopting!

Yes, we are still waiting!

August 31 will mark 2 years that we have "officially" been on the waiting list.

The majority of families are receiving referrals (matches) after being on the waiting list for 3 years. So we are confident that we have a minimum of 1 more year to go.

(sigh)

BUT... we are SO MUCH closer than we were 2 years ago!

 

God is sweet though. He has given us something to focus on for this next year. (not that we didn't already have things to focus on, but God simply inserted a new "adventure" into our lives that is slightly out of the norm).

 

So what are we doing? Where are we? Why the heck have I been completely absent in blog land for 3 months?

 

Around 2 years ago, a girl from Boston walked into my workplace. She had a funny accent and a weird story. She had fallen in love with a boy from Mississippi, packed her bags, married him and moved here to start a Military Based Christian camp.

Day in and day out we introduced her to life in the South.

 

We became friends.

 

Two years later God had creatively crafted together a situation that I am certain He had in mind from the day she stepped foot into my workplace.

 

Job changes.

Schedule changes

Adding a baby to our family.

Growth of Friendships

Stirred Spirits

A husband who craves to work outdoors

 

In April they began conversation with us about joining them.

April we prayed.

In May the conversation became serious and within approximately 6 weeks we had rented our home and moved to Clinton to join them for a year.

 

But you must know that us moving really has nothing to do with us, but everything to do with God's work in our lives, in the lives of our friends and advancing His Kingdom.

 

If you would like to learn more about what all is going on out here, check out the website.

 

www.cjstewart.org

 

I'm sorry that I didn't give more details. I seriously feel like I have writer's block :)

 

You can private message me if you desire to know more!

I am hopeful to write more blogs in the near future!

 

Here is our May Collage

 

 

Miller loves his dogs!

First time in the pool and on the boat Summer 2014

Chip turned 8 months old

Miller took swimming lessons

The photo right above "May 2014" was the beginning of our countdown wall to moving to Clinton. Miller was so excited to move to "Danyo and CeeJ's" (Danielle & CJ)

 

I need to get busy making our June & July collages!

 

Happy Wednesday!



Miller started swim lessons

My sweet little Miller man started swimming lessons this week. We have been everyday. This is our first extra curricular activity with kiddos! 

Lee and I didn't know that we were going to learn some lessons in parenting during such short swimming lessons! 

Take notice of the window. The parents sit in a little "viewing room" while the kids swim. 

Day One: 

The Blackburn family arrived and everyone was excited. Miller walked right out to his class, sat down in the water, and began kicking and splashing. He did well for his first little day. He participated in all of the activities without much fuss. Lee and I were so proud watching our little fish splash around. 

He did really good... Until the end. He cried and cried because he did NOT want to go down the slide at the end. We couldn't hear what Miller was saying. We could only see him crying. Lee and I were actually kind of surprised because Miller normally jumps at opportunties like a slide. Anyway.

The lesson ended and I richly welcomed little man at the door. I wrapped him in a towel and shuffled him to the bathroom to change clothes. I told him he had done a good job, then fairly quickly I said "Miller why wouldn't you go down that slide?!?!" He said "I didn't want to."

We walked out of the bathroom and met Lee and Chip. Lee leaned down and said "Miller! Why didn't you go down the slide?!!?" 

Miller didn't answer.

We said our goodbyes and got into the car.

I looked at Lee and said, "We both highlighted Miller's failure first thing when we saw him after his lesson. He did so good the whole time then the one thing he didn't do is what we talked about." 

Obviously this led to a deeper conversation between us. 

Why do we do that? Why do we highlight the negative?

We came up with several answers to this question. 

Lee and I had been SO proud of Miller the whole time, but did he know that? Or did he hang on the very first thing that was uttered from our mouths when he saw us?   

The conversation was a blessing for both Lee and I. We verbalized how we desire to raise our boys (and we will fail constantly). We want them to be men of confidence, not defeat. We desire to foster a learning environment based on positive reinforcement instead of threats, negative reinforcement, etc. 

I want to love them. Constantly. 

I want them to know that they are loved because of WHO they are not WHAT they can do. 

And we need a community to come around us and help us teach our boys in this way! 

And honestly, at the end of the day... 

Whether or not he went down the slide is not worth squishing his confidence over! He will eventually do it! 

(For the record...  He still hasn't done it 😄) 

And... His sweet little lessons have become more and more tearful on his end 😢 but that's ok. We are pushing through!! Lee says God is teaching us lessons on humility 😁😁 

But he loves his little friends at swimming lessons! 

In all honesty, as parents we don't intend to break our children's spirits. We desire more than anyone for them to succeed. Lee and I were so shocked that Miller didn't go down the slide and cried about it. We were honestly curious about what happened. 

But did he know that? 

He is only 2, but that child KNEW that he was scared to do something the other kids were doing. He has talked about it since. 

Lee and I realized that it is crucial for us to be intentional about the things we say to our boys. We have to foster their learning without crushing their spirits. 

This blog post by another writer is beautifully written on this exact topic! It's worth the read! 

http://www.handsfreemama.com/2014/05/20/to-build-or-break-a-childs-spirit/

For the record, no we aren't beating ourselves up! Yes, we have MORE than encouraged our little swimmer. And yes, we realize that this is ONLY. THE. BEGINNING. In raising kids!! 

I simply wanted to give some other moms encouragement that "you're not alone!" 

small update

I last left you guys with my frustrating "paperwork" post!
The good news is.... We have ALL paperwork updated (I think) and are waiting on our social worker to type up the Home Study Update!
Yay!
The latest on our adoption.

Still waiting!

 

How much longer will we have to wait?

That question is hard to answer. For now I will answer it this way.

The families who received referrals this past month had been waiting right at 3 years.

August 31st will mark 2 years that we have been officially waiting.

IF and its a big, big IF, the wait times do not change too drastically then we "should" receive a referral in approximately a year to year and 1/2 from now!

That would be awesome!

 

We are ready to get that boy home!

 

We covet your continued prayers as we slowly get closer and closer to seeing Malachi's sweet face for the first time!

 

I am sticking my collages for the past 2 months on this post since it's short!

 

MARCH 2014

 



 

 

Cousin Blakely came to visit and took Miller to the zoo!

Chip got his Giraffe!

Chip turned 6 months old!

Big Brother Miller pictured in rare form (feeding his brother).

Snuggles

We began sponsoring Yeabkal

 

 

 

 

 

Top Left: Plagiocephaly awareness day!

Chip turned 7 months

Miller got a trailer for his tractor

Yeabkal's birthday!

Miller and Chip sound asleep on our bed

MS State vs. Ole Miss baseball (Go DAWGS)!

Fishing with Jay Jay

Chip and Miller are going to be best buds!

Kari Jobe concert with my friend, Keri

Tim Tebow with CJ Stewart foundation (Danielle and I at the event)

Happy Easter! Loved the suspenders on my boys!

 

 

A day in the life of adoption paperwork

We are in the process of updating our Home Study. It expires in May. 

Therefore, we have been knee deep in paperwork again!! 

What does that even mean? Paperwork? 

I'm sure you hear adoptive parent say all the time "there's SO MUCH paperwork!" 

Allow me to enlighten you.

For those of you who think our paperwork journey looks like this, you are sadly mistaken. 

Oh how I WISH it was simply sitting down and working through mounds of paperwork! 

Instead, it looks a little bit more like this.

This.....

Sometimes this.....

And sadly.... At times, it looks like this lady! 

Journey with me for a moment.

One of the 20ish things we had to do for "paperwork" was get a physical done by a physician. 

We pulled up the email. Printed out the forms from our agency. Contacted our hospital (which no longer does physicals). Contacted a new place to get the physicals done and they said "go to your old hospital, print out your records, then come here and we can do it." 

Easy cheesy huh.

8 am. 

We pack the kids up. 

Drop Miller off at daycare.

 Head to our old hospital to get our records. 

Unload Chip. 

Sit in waiting room. 

Get the records. Back in the car. 

Stop by the house to get any last minute paperwork so that there are no questions and we have all needed info. Drive to the new place. 

By now it's nearing 11 o'clock. 

Sit in waiting room for ONE HOUR. 

12 o'clock. 

Get called back. 

Vision test. Blood pressure. Etc. Etc

Chip is getting hungry.

Into another room we go.

Sit there for approx 20 min.

Chip is screaming by now Bc he's hungry and sleepy and has been in the car seat for a really long time.

Nurse walks in. 

"Ma'am, I'm sorry but the doctor says she can't sign this physical because these tests were done at an outside facility." 

A conversation takes place.

I tell Lee to just leave and take Chip home to grab a bottle. 

Lee leaves. 

I try to work out the details.

I Sign another medical release form.

Back in the room.

Doctor comes in to finish the physical and draw some blood. 

She isn't pro children or pro adoption.

She makes some less than nice comments. I would post them but seriously, they would outrage you.  

I don't have the energy to even respond to her. 

I'm almost in tears.

She finishes.

Lee returns.

He goes in the room to finish his physical and get blood drawn. 

I feed Chip.

It's 1:15

We finally leave the medical facility, WITHOUT completed physicals. We leave our phone number and ask them to call us when they have everything they need or need us to do anything else. 

And that my friends, is the road to (almost) filling out ONE piece of paperwork! 

Don't get me wrong. Malachi is totally totally worth it! 

I simply blogged this to enlighten you into a day in the life of adoption paperwork! 

On to the next form we go :-) 

Actually we are praying for that "form" to be complete! 

Our car on the way to doctor office

Happy camper for most of the morning!! 

Encouraged

Last weekend Kari Jobe came to my home church. The worship music was great.

Kari began to sing the song "Healer."

 

As she sang the words:

"Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible

Nothing is impossible for You

You hold my world in Your hands

 

I lost it.

I wept. Ugly cry.

I prayed hard. I wanted so hard to be able to sing those words and believe them.

But in that moment my faith fell short.

I felt like it was impossible for God to bring Malachi home.

I felt like this whole journey was impossible.

 

To y'all, the above picture may only resemble a mere table in a local diner.

To me... it represents a journey.

 

I have sat at this table and the one next to it several times.

I meet with a group of local moms who are/have adopted from Ethiopia.

We call it ET mom's coffee night :)

We journey together.

We all "get it."

I am so thankful to be surrounded by mothers who are like-minded and who can truly relate to the emotions I am feeling in the journey.

 

 

The above picture was taken as I sent a text message to some other "moms" saying I needed a coffee night!

We met together on Monday night of this week.

I vented to them about my frustrations and hopelessness in the wait.

When I left that night, although I was encouraged by them, I was still feeling pretty hopeless in the journey itself.

 

Then the next few days God began to open the floodgates!

 

We have had a lot of REFERRALS go out this week!!

It's been way more than we have seen in months!

I cannot tell you how excited that has made me.

It has given me the hope I needed.

 

*A referral is when a family is matched with a child. When a family receives a referral, other families on the waiting list move up a spot closer to being matched with their child.

For example: When an infant boy referral goes out, all the other families in the infant boy line move up a spot. Got it?

 

I am proud to say that we are number 63 on the "unofficial" waiting list for an infant boy and #36 for a toddler boy.

 

I know that 63 does not sound exciting to those of you who have been following us for a long time.

In fact, I announced LAST June that we were #66, so it sounds like we have only moved 3 spots in almost a year.

That's not the case.

Since it's an unofficial list, some families are not on the list and other families have changed their parameters (age range, gender, etc.)

Over the course of the months, we moved back up into the 70s and I stopped announcing our number because it hurt my heart so bad!

But today, for the FIRST time, we are #63!

 

Praying hard that we get out of the 60s soon!!

 

Please continue to pray for us, for Malachi and for Ethiopia.

We are waiting on the Lord.

 

On Monday night when I was talking with other ET moms, the common question came up:

Do you feel like God is telling y'all to continue waiting in Ethiopia program or to switch gears to a different program?

We honestly feel like God is telling us to stay the course.

 

That night after Kari Jobe, I laid in my bed and downloaded the song "Healer" onto my phone.

A wise woman once told me:

"Say it until you believe it.

Then say it because you believe it!"

 

So I have been listening to that song over and over and over!

Click Here for the link to it if you've never heard it.