Though it linger... wait for it.

Who am I that the Lord of all creation might choose to speak to me?

Who am I that the God of Heaven and of Earth might hear my cry and answer me?

Lately, I have struggled to keep walking forward in this adoption.

I am more than weary...

Literally... physically... emotionally... mentally... 

I have been struggling.

My closest friends surround me, support me and pray for me.

I seriously could not do this without the love and support of others!

I have been wrestling with God.

I have been crying out to Him.

WHEN will this adoption EVER happen?!? 

WHY do you stand silently by and allow governments and corruption to keep innocent children from forever families?

Where are you? 

Then this morning... It was as if He looked down at the earth and chose to speak to me.

I sat down for my morning Bible Study. I didn't really have anything in particular I wanted to read so I decided to read the L3 (our church's reading plan). 

The first option in the L3 is Revelation... ehh.. I will just skip that today. I'm not feeling it.

Option number 2 is Habakkuk. 

Sure. Why not? 

Habakkuk 1 begins with Habakkuk praying to the Lord a prayer that is very familiar to me.

"How long, LORD, must I call for help, but you do not listen?"

Habakkuk thinks that the LORD is merely standing by, passively, and allowing wickedness to prevail.

God's response:

"Look at the nations and watch - and be utterly amazed. 

For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if you were told."

I was intrigued.

Habakkuk thought God was silently standing by.

But He wasn't.

Instead, He was working "behind the scenes" to create something amazing.

Most days I feel like Habakkuk. I feel like God is silent in our adoption journey.

Instead, could it be that He is actively crafting together something that I would not believe even if I was told? 

(of course the answer to this is YES, but that is so hard to see in the day to day struggle)

God proceeds to give Habakkuk a revelation of His plan.

Habakkuk responds with a few more questions.

Then the next few verses jumped off the page at me.

"Then the LORD replied:

Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.

For the revelation awaits an appointed time;

it speaks of the end

and will not prove false.

Though it linger, wait for it;

it will certainly come and will not delay.

What will certainly come and not delay?

The revelation that God had given to Habakkuk.

God gave Lee and I a revelation about adoption in November 2010.

That is what we wait on.

Of course we wait for a child, but our heart of hearts waits to see the fulfillment of what the Lord spoke into our lives. 

So much of my most recent struggle in this adoption journey is focused on God and not Malachi.

Sure I love Malachi and cannot wait to see him.

However, more importantly than receiving a child... I long to taste the faithfulness of the Lord. I long to see the fulfillment of His promise

The words "though it linger, wait for it" were both encouraging and discouraging.

I am encouraged because it is Truth spoken directly to me. I renews my Spirit and reminds me that ONE DAY He will fulfill His promise.

It discourages me because... it lingers... and I must continue to wait.

He didn't tell me that it would happen swiftly like I wish He would have.

A sweet friend of mine who is also in the adoption process made a comment the other day that really stuck in my head. This particular friend is just as (or probably more) weary as me.

With tears in her eyes she said, "If I had to choose the short route or the long route in His presence... I would never want to choose the short route."

In essence, she was saying that she would never want to choose the shortest route of a journey and miss out on the presence of the Lord. She would rather journey the harder, longer route just to be in the presence of the Lord for longer.

That is NOT an easy comment to make. 

So I have chewed on it for a few weeks. I am praying that in my weariness that I don't miss out on His presence. I don't want to become bitter. I want to become more like Him.

A lady asked me a question the other day (innocently and sweetly). She said, "I don't mean this to sound weird but I simply have to ask you... Do you think you will be able to love your adopted child like you do your biological children?"

I proceeded to explain that in my heart there seriously is no difference in how I feel about Malachi, Miller or Chip. I explained that you fall in love with your children while you are pregnant with them... and I have been "paper pregnant" with Malachi for... umm... 3 years!" She understood and appreciated my explanation.

I looked away from her for a moment. We both paused in the silence.

I slowly looked back up at her and said, "I honestly don't think that I will ever be able to look at Malachi and not think about the Lord."

I pictured my brown son standing in the room next to us.

And when I saw him... I thought about Jesus.

Exciting news on the adoption front!

In the last 2 weeks there have been at least 3 baby boy referrals go out so we have moved up a few spots!! 

We are thankful to have seen so much movement in the past 2 months. We pray that referrals continue to go out, and we also pray that children can get the necessary paperwork to COME HOME!!

5.5K for the 5K!!

Your support through our 5K fundraiser has literally left us speechless.

The 5K just sort of "fell into our laps" as a fundraiser and we didn't really know what to expect.

You responded to God's nudge to give and we are eternally grateful!

THANK YOU!

So far we have received approximately

$5,500

and counting...

That DOES NOT include the $3,000 match that Colonial Heights is giving us!

So with the match, we have raised approximately

$8,500

I seriously cannot believe that I just typed that number!

and counting...

I keep saying "and counting" because we have had several people come forward in the last few days asking if they could still give.

YES! The answer is YES!

8,500 is a lot of money, but we still have a good bit of money to raise!

One of the most amazing blessings of the 5K was an answer to a specific prayer that I prayed. 

I remember praying..

"God, I know You will provide financially, but I ask even more that you would show Lee and I that we are not alone in this journey. Adoption can be a lonely and weary journey, so could you just bring forth people to come around and support us?"

I remember thinking, "if we could get 30 people to stand up and sponsor us... That would encourage me so much." 

I sit here typing this today as I am writing over 87 thank you notes!!! 

Yes.... At least 87 people sponsored us...  

That is not counting the family members of the sponsors! That is simply counting how many donations we received!! 

So if we are counting "people" we could easily double or triple that number! 

Our hearts are full. Our words of gratitude fall short. 

Thank you.

Here are some photos from the race! 

It was a cold, brisk, beautiful morning. 

Colonial Heights Baptist Church did an AMAZING job on the race! It was almost surreal to be surrounded by so many people coming together for orphans... Which is always on the forefront of mine and Lee's heart.

 

warming up

 

 

 

The Blackburn Family before the race. The boys were freezing!

 

 

Our handprints

 

Sweet team of runners! A few runners weren't pictured in this photo.

Thank you Megan Stewart, Nicole Hand, Danielle Stewart, Stephanie Kitchens, Ben Kitchens, Chasity Bounds, Will & Alicia Mattern, Courtney Anders and Jennifer Crane for raising money for us and for volunteering to run!!

 

 

My sweetest friend, Megan Manuel. We have been journeying together for years! Immensely thankful for her friendship!

 

 

Lee and Will did a great job of pushing the 4 kiddos the majority of the race... or I mean... pretty much the ENTIRE race.

 

 

"Team Blackburn" after the race! Such a sweet day!

Lee and I said "we know we have some sweet, sweet friends when they will get up early on a Saturday morning to run in below freezing weather to support us!

 

 

This sweet boy is READY for his brother to come home!

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you for your support!!

 

 

 

4 years ago...

November 17, 2010 is a day that Lee and I will never forget. It was the day that the Lord confirmed to both of us that He had indeed called us to adopt. We took this picture that night.

 

 

I am so thankful for this photo. It is such a tangible reminder of God's calling on our lives.

 

But y'all.... that was FOUR years ago!

Four years and we are STILL on this journey!!

We have learned a lot and grown a lot since that night, but our desire for our son only increases by the day! Our passion for orphans has not faded.

 

Today was a hard day.

 

My heart is so heavy over our adoption. I desperately long to see Malachi's face. I long to have these days of waiting behind us. This mother's heart aches for a child that she has not yet seen, felt or heard.

 

Still we wait.

 

God's timing is perfect. His will is perfect. He knows our past, present and future.

I trust that He is working all things together for His purposes.

 

It's still hard.

 

I am not sure when Malachi will come home, but I know two amazing brothers that are waiting on him!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please continue to pray for us and that God would bring our boy home quickly!!



Handprints and Clearing up confusion

I wanted to post a follow-up blog about our 5K Fundraiser. And some very, very exciting news at the bottom of the blog! 

Here are a few details to clear up some confusion:

1) Our adoption 5K and the Down Range 5K (camp we live at) are two DIFFERENT races! Down Range trail run is THIS Saturday, the 8th. Our adoption 5K is NEXT Saturday, the 15th! They are two completely seperate events!

2) You can still sign up to race (in both races if you'd like). 

3) The handprints are only for our adoption 5K. They are not for the Down Range Trail Run (again, two completely different races). 

About the handprints... You guys ROCK!!! Seriously! I think we have close to 30 or more sponsors for our runners so far!! Yay!! 

Here is an example of what the handprints will look like when we wear them in the race! 

Do you want to purchase a handprint? 

All you do is make a donation (of any amount) to our Lifesong account and we will write your name on a handprint to wear in the race! 

Below are the instructions to make a donation:

Family name: Blackburn

Family account: 4909

Make sure you add those two things so that the money goes to our account! 

Okay.... Now for the exciting news I promised you! 

I received and email last week that stated this.... 

Dear Lee and Abby,

 

Praise God for the $3000 matching grantyou received funded by Colonial Heights!  Our God is an awesome Provider God!  

Ahhh!! I was so excited! So that means that every dollar donated into our lifesong account will be matched up to $3000!! 

Basically your donation is doubled!! 

We are so thankful and grateful! 

Earlier today Lee and I checked our Lifesong account. We were truly blown away by the generosity of everyone. Lee looked at me and said "things like this remind me that we are exactly where God wants us to be." 

Thank you for your prayers and financial support. When you support us, you don't only help provide financially, but also emotionally. We are so encouraged when people step forward and support us. It gives us the strength needed to keep pressing on in this journey. Your giving results in us praising God! I was feeling very lonely in this journey prior to this fundraiser, but God is reminding us that we are not alone! 

Thank you for being such a blessing to us! 

Confidence Climb

Out here at Down Range, we have this thing called an obstacle course. I'm not real sure where your mind goes when you read the words "obstacle course," but if you can imagine military style obstacles that are very hard and scary then you are getting close to the image. 

I could talk about many things involved with the obstacle course, but I want to focus on one obstacle.... The Confidence Climb. 

Here is a photo of Danielle and CJ at the bottom of it. It's 35 feet high! Seriously. They look all cute at the bottom but most people standing at the bottom getting ready to climb are thinking... 

Well... I won't type what they're thinking. 

Okay. Here are a few quick details about the obstacle. 

Goal: CLIMB TO THE TOP (preferably climbing up the middle and not touching the side poles)

Details: Notice the bottom two boards are fairly close together? The higher you climb, the farther apart the boards get. 

You are harnessed in and someone, usually my husband, is belaying you. 

See this photo? Danielle (she rocks by the way) is harnessed in and Lee is at the bottom on belay. 

I have literally watched a hundred plus people climb that thing. Some of them have been very athletic, and some of them do not have an ounce of athleticism in their body.

I've also watched extremely athletic people stop midway because they cannot overcome fear. 

It's interesting to watch people. It's called the confidence climb because it is just that.

It's a mental toughness. 

The climb becomes scary when reaching the next board is difficult. Frequently people will yell down, "what do I do?" "How do I get to the next board?"

People standing below will begin instructing them on how to move to the next board. 

The people below the tower instruct because they can see the whole tower. We can tell exactly what position their body is in and what position it needs to get to. We can see how far or close they are to achieving the next level. 

Slowly, but surely they trust our instructions and they will proceed to the top. 

Other times, they will slip and the rope will catch them. One of two things will happen: they will get scared and want to come down, or they will realize that they are extremely safe in the harness and they will gain a whole new level of confidence - sometimes fearlessly completing the obstacle! The latter is cool to watch! 

So... Last week... I decided I had watched enough kids climb that thing and I was gonna give it a whirl (I ABSOLUTELY HATE HEIGHTS!) 

So I strapped in, told my husband he better not drop me, and I began the climb. I got on about the 6th one and I couldn't reach the next one. That meant I was going to have to let go with an extremity or 2 in order to climb to the next one. 

My heart was racing. Fear was creeping in. I couldn't see where my body was or how far the next board was. I couldn't see the whole tower like when I'm on the ground. 

I screamed down "how high am I??" I didn't want to look. 

So I did what I should have never done... I turned around and looked down. 

A rush of fear came over me!! Sure, I wasn't 35 feet high, but it didn't matter! I was scared. 

That was it. I couldn't mentally force my physical body to move any higher. Lee began telling me how to reach the next board, but it didn't matter. Fear overrode everything I trusted. It overrode Lee, the rope, the harness and my own physical ability. 

Fear and doubt became the only voices I could hear. 

So I came down. 

Now, I'm gonna show you this picture of me. It's lame!! I'm not very high. It's not as cool as Danielle's but if you laugh... You come try it! 

That night I contemplated that climb. 

I'm more athletic (or use to be) than half those kids that make it to the top. 

What happened? 

And it was as if God began to poor an illustration into me. 

When He calls us to take a big step of faith... It looks a lot like this confidence climb. 

Our adoption is a lot like this confidence climb! 

However, a human isn't belaying us.... 

Our perfect Heavenly Father is in complete control. 

God can see the whole picture. He has complete control of every ounce of the journey (except his grace to give us free will). 

Before we took this leap of faith, we had to have confidence in something. People don't start the confidence climb without having a little trust in the rope, the harness, the belayer and their own ability.

 We stood on the ground and looked at the journey ahead. Sure, it looked hard, but we had confidence in the one belaying us. We had confidence that our trust in Him would carry us to the next board when things became tough. 

So we harnessed in and began the climb. 

One thing you cannot feel when you are standing on the ground below the tower is how powerful your emotions become once you are climbing. 

Fear is a powerful thing. 

It creeps in and can become completely overwhelming. You can feel the wind beat against you, your heart racing, body shaking and sweat pouring. It's hard to hear anything outside the thoughts racing through your mind. You can barely see the next board. You have no idea how far you are from the top. You reach and can't feel. You seem to have lost your balance. Trust in everything flees from you. And all you want to do is return to the ground. 

Everything you knew to be True while standing on the ground gets put to the test. 

Do you TRULY trust the rope?

Do you TRULY trust the person on belay?

Do you TRULY think you can make it to the top? 

In this adoption journey, every OUNCE of our faith has been put through the fire to be tested. 

Do we TRULY believe He is faithful? 

Do we TRULY believe He is provider?

Do we believe He can do the impossible?

Do we believe He will complete the journey He called us to? 

Do we believe He is able? 

Having your faith tested is exhausting and emotional. There are days when you just want to give up and return to the ground. The past few weeks God has revealed some places where my faith in Him lacks. 

It's been emotional and trying. 

There are days when the voices in my head are so loud that I cannot hear what God is saying. 

There are days when I do not have the strength to even attempt reaching to the next board. 

But little by little we are silencing the voices in our heads and listening to the instructions from below. 

"Keep going" 

"You're almost there" 

"Don't give up now"

"I've got you" 

And we reach to the next board. 

And the next.

And the next. 

We still cannot see the top from where we stand... But we know it's there. 

We TRUST that it's there. 

We continue climbing even though we are physically shaking and completely exhausted. 

People say that the view at the top of the tower is beautiful. I'm sure the beauty of the scene is magnified by the emotions you feel because you overcame fear, doubt and physical testing. 

At the end of this journey, we won't be looking over a lake. Instead, we will get to see a glimpse of our Creator like we have never seen before. As we stand there, we will be filled with a new confidence in who He is and what He is capable of doing. 

We will stand on top... Looking back at how hard and difficult the journey was. We will be filled with joy to have overcome in Christ. 

THAT is a view worth seeing. 

And we simply cannot wait to see it! 

Until then, we are slowly but surely continuing to climb. 

5K Fundraiser!! Very Exciting!

We have been invited to participate in a 5K fundraising event on November 15 called Hearts of Compassion. We are so thrilled about this awesome awareness and fundraising opportunity.

 

Before I explain the fundraiser, I first wanted to address adoption funds.

I feel like it's important for people who are extending a hand to help us to understand exactly what funds are needed and where the money is going.

Our application to this 5K required us to write down all of our adoption funds. So I looked it up on our agency's website and my heart dropped.

 

$38,000 dollars!

 

Yep, that was the closest estimate I could come up with.

Here is the link to our adoption agency's website telling exactly where some of the funds go.

 

http://www.awaa.org/programs/ethiopia/cost.aspx

 

The best I can tell, we are approximately 12-15,000 dollars "in" right now.

So we still have a long way to go!

 

Now to the 5K fundraiser!!

Colonial Heights Church has had this 5K called Hearts of Compassion for 3 years now (I think). Anyway, this is the first year they offered it to adoptive families to use as a fundraiser. We are 1 of 6 or 7 adoptive families that are participating this year!

The race works like a St Jude Marathon or the Bike for MS.

Participants in the race try to raise money for the "cause." In this case, our adoption is the "cause."

 

Colonial Heights Ministry partner in this race is Lifesong for Orphans http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/

 

If you have never heard of them, you should check them out. They are legit and great. We had to fill out an application with them so that we could set up an account for this fundraiser. Trust me, the application was VERY thorough!

 

So for those of you still confused about how this works, I will try to break it down a little more.

 

We need runners and walkers!

If you cannot run or walk because you live too far or are busy or just simply don't want to, that's okay! Sponsor one of our runners or walkers!

 

We don't receive benefits from people simply signing up for the race. Our fundraising happens through people sponsoring those who are racing!

 

One way that we are thinking about empowering our runners to raise money is through "sticker sponsorship." The idea is a branch of Tee Shirt sponsorships (you know, when a company sponsors a Tee Shirt, they get their company logo on the back of the shirt).

 

With that concept in mind, we are thinking about getting each runner to sell stickers.

If you buy a sticker, your name will be put on it and the runner that you sponsored will wear the sticker on the back of their shirt during the race!

We hope to have lots of runners with lots of names all over the backs of their shirts!!

 

So if "Sally" decides to run in the race and she sells 10 stickers for 25$ each, that is 250$ towards our adoption!!

 

I hope that somewhat cleared it up.

 

CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP FOR THE 5K!!

 

Let me know if you sign up and I will tell the appropriate people that you are on our "team."

Then I will connect with you and give you more details about the race including how to get sponsors, how to have them donate, getting stickers, and the "attire" for our team!!

 

If you can't sign up but want to sponsor a runner (including me and Lee) just shoot me a message and we can make that happen!!

 

Thanks for continuing to journey with us!

 

We are slowly getting closer to our little man!

We are hopeful to have a referral by February 2016! I know that seems like a long time away, but it's actually only a little over a year away!!

 

Yay!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



My little warrior

We just got back from the beach. We had a blast with family and friends! We are so thankful for amazing family who took care of our kiddos the second half of the vacation so we could have time with friends! 

This picture struck me when I saw it. We always call Miller a "little warrior." It's simply a part of who he is (and probably all little boys). 

Look at him trying to do some serious damage to the splash pad! Nothing could stop him! 

Embarrassingly, when a new little boy entered the splash pad, Miller was so "in the zone" that he gave that little boy "the look."

Lee noticed and quickly said "Miller, that's your new friend. Go tell him hello!" 

Miller walked over to the boy and instead of saying hello, Miller "bowed up" at the little boy. (I can't believe I just told that on the blog 😊) true life. 

Lee shouted, "MILLER!" 

And before we could blink our son was running and playing again. (Sigh) 

One night on the beach we took the kids crab hunting. Miller was thrilled. He had his net and bucket and was sprinting through the condo with utter excitement. 

Then we got down to the beach. 

In a distance, lightening flashed and you could hear the sound of thunder. It was far away so we knew we were safe. 

But Miller was terrified. 

He hates storms, y'all. Like "crawl under the covers, plug his ears, close his eyes and cry" hates storms. 

His joy turned to utter fear. 

He wanted to go back into the condo... Now! 

But everyone else continued on crab hunting as if the lightening and thunder wasn't even in existence. 

I knew I had two options. 

1) take him back into the condo

2) help him face his fear

I chose the latter.

 But I decided to do it in a gentle way, not in a condesending "suck it up and come on" kind of way. 

I grabbed his hand, picked him up and explained to him that we were safe from the storm. I even tried to pull the whole "isn't it pretty?" card but he didn't buy that. 

I then said, "do you want me to pray for you?" He said yes and I whispered a short prayer over him. 

I wish the story ended with me saying that they prayer filled him with courage and he went on crab hunting with the storm in the background. 

But that's not the way our night ended. 

Instead, he clung tightly to my hand and walked everywhere that I went. He didn't let go for a second. At times I could even feel him shaking a little because he was so afraid. 

But he didn't cry.

He didn't demand his way. 

When we finally returned to the condominium (literally as soon as we walked through the doors), Miller grabbed both my legs and began hugging me as tight as he could. 

He looked up at me and said, "Mommy, now I'm so happy!!!" 

My sister-in-law and I just laughed and smiled. It was the sweetest scene because that boy was indeed so happy and thankful to be back indoors. 

So why did I blog this story? 

This part of our beach trip has stuck out in my mind. 

Miller trusts me because he knows I love him. He trusts me to feed, clothe, and bathe him. He trusts me in so many areas of life. 

However, his trust in me waivered when walking with me meant facing one of his greatest fears. 

Instead, he wanted to tuck tail and run. 

He desired to return to comfort and security. 

I am just like him in my walk with Christ. 

I trust Jesus in so many areas, but when He calls me out upon the waters to unknown and scary places, my trust waivers. 

I often tuck tail and run. 

I refuse to step out of the boat. 

Jesus I trust that you will provide for me but you want me to do what?? To give how much?? To live where?? To surrender what?? 

To adopt from Africa?? 

Luke 9:23-24

"Then He said to them all. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it." 

Jesus, don't you see the lightening and hear the thunder? I can't possibly walk out there! 

Proverbs 3:5

"Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." 

I doubt because I don't trust.

I fear because I don't trust. 

The interesting thing about that particular splash pad was that it was fenced in. It was protected. It was also running on a censor so we could activate it whenever we wanted. So much of the splash pad can be controlled. 

My little boy is a warrior on the splash pad! 

But at the end of this life, being a warrior on the splash pad amounts to nothing. It is a chasing after the wind. 

I desire for Miller to be a warrior in the spiritual realm. I pray that he is dangerous for the kingdom of God. 

It is hard for a child to navigate unchartered territory. I pray that Lee and I would learn to trust God in all areas of life. To step out upon the waters. To face fears and conquer giants. As our trust in The Lord increases, His name will be magnified. 

Don't be a warrior on the adult splash pad!