Project 30

On October 16th I will turn 30!!  Yes... The BIG. 3. 0. 

I cannot believe it. I am like "grown" now. 

Over the years I have seen many people do very cool things to celebrate their 30th birthday. One girl raised 30 thousand dollars to help with non-profit organizations. Someone else did 30 random acts of kindness. The list goes on. As I began thinking about my own 30th birthday, I contemplated how I could celebrate. I initially wanted to raise money to support efforts in Africa to provide clean water for those in need. But as I began the fundraiser planning, it was daunting to me to raise money for a cause while we still   have financial needs with our own adoption. Our heart is to adopt without debt. 

So I shifted gears. 

I have come up with a fundraiser and I hope that you will decide to be part of it! 

I am calling it "Project 30." 

The theme comes from the African Proverb "it takes a village to raise a child." 

It takes a village to raise all children, but it especially takes a village to raise children who have been adopted. We have seen our village rise up with fundraising efforts, prayer, encouragement and wisdom. We pray that we continue to see the village rise up once Malachi is home! We will need people to love and encourage our entire family. Y'all know I will need help with his hair and with navigating the waters of having a transracial family in today's society. 

So I want to do a fundraiser to celebrate my 30th birthday! 

I am asking 30 people to rise up and commit to doing an individual fundraiser for us. 

Yes... That's 30 fundraisers for my 30th birthday!! 

This will be impossible to achieve without you guys!! 

Here is my plan. This plan may shift if needed, but this is the rough draft. 

1) I need 30 people to volunteer to do a fundraiser. 

2) I will give a T-Shirt to each person who volunteers. Please wear your T-Shirt during your fundraiser! The shirts are awesome (thanks Jenn Crane!) 

3) I would love for all of the fundraisers to take place the week of my birthday - October 11-17. 

This is flexible if needed. 

That's it! I don't really have a "goal" for how much we will raise. I think my heart will just be so full to see the village at work for my son! We will be working too!! :-) 

After 3 years it is hard to get motivated to fundraise, so having you guys alongside me will help tremendously! 

Let's do a short Q & A to clear up some things! 

1) What do I do with the money I raise? 

This is the most important question of all! We are asking that no donations be made directly to us. Instead, we would like for you to donate to our Lifesong Account! This account was set up for us last November and is awesome! Your donation is tax deductible through them and it is guaranteed to be used for adoption purposes. Not that we wouldn't do that anyway!! We have been extremely diligent the past 3 years to use all funds for ONLY adoption purposes! We have a completely separate adoption banking account! But we can't offer a tax deduction if donated to us. 

And still... We love the fact that a professional organization manages it for us! 

We will chat in further detail personally about how to donate to this account! 

2) How do I sign up? 

Please contact me via Facebook (Abby Miller Blackburn), phone, or email abbymiller_22@hotmail.com and I will get you signed up. Please include your name, fundraising idea, and a potential fundraiser date/location/time. 

Example:

John Smith

Garage Sale

Saturday, October 17 @ 6 am

Your address 

Obviously we can chat in more detail but I will keep a list of all the fundraisers so we can get the word out!! 

3) Does my fundraiser have to be something big like a garage sale? 

No! Not at all! It can be as small as selling a piece of art or having your kids set up a lemonade stand! Please get creative!! 

4) Is there a minimum amount of money that I have to raise? 

Nope! Every dollar helps! 

5) Can you give us some fundraiser ideas? 

I sure can! But don't limit your creativity to this list!! 

Garage sale

Lemonade stand

Selling crafts (all you Pinterest people out there!) 

Using your business to raise money (ex: donate a portion of sales) 

Bake sale 

Pancake Breakfast

Tea Party (great for getting little girls involved) 

Spaghetti Dinner (or any dinner) 

Silent auction (can be online or in person, multiple or single items) 

The list goes on and on.

Here is a good link! 

http://www.walkingbytheway.com/blog/the-ultimate-list-of-adoption-fundraisers/

That's all folks! 

We are excited and anxious to see who all will stand up and BE THE VILLAGE!! 

In our weariness to finish the work God has called us to, we seriously need you. We don't necessarily need your finances (we serve a God who owns cattle on a thousand hills), but we need you to carry us with your prayers and encouragement! 

Let's have a birthday party!! 

Guest blog post!!

Many of you know my sweet friend, Alicia Mattern. I have been journeying with Alicia for years now and have been so blessed by her friendship. Recently, Alicia and her husband, Will, along with their two girls, Ally and Mary Grayson moved from Flowood, MS to Madison, MS. This move seemed sudden and very surprising to those watching from the outside, however, it was anything BUT surprising or sudden for those of us involved in the details. It was a blessing to see God leading their family to a divine appointment. It is a story that began with HIM and will end with HIM.

I invited Alicia to do a guest blog post to share her story. I hope you enjoy reading it!

I figured if Ellen Degeneres could have special guest so could Abby.  

What a journey!  It seems so quick to the world and leaves many with questions.  Believe me I have asked a few questions myself.  My sweet friends/family and actually complete strangers have been so huge in this.  They have listened to my heart process.   

In 2012, Will and I began a journey asking God where he desired for our children to go to school.  Sweet Will was very patient with me as I wanted to tour every school in Rankin and Madison County.  I even thought I wanted to tour the high schools.  A shout out to Kelly Kuykendall for reminding me I did not have to decide on high school – I had to decide on kindergarten.  It is one thing to pray for God’s will for my own life, but to pray it for my children was another pressure for me.

I recently found a journal that I wrote as I toured schools at that time - The journal was asking god a lot of questions and praying for wisdom.  At that time Will felt like ultimately we would be in Madison but I did not feel like God was finished with us in Rankin county.  David Horner taught me years ago that God often begins to a stir in us a passion for something long before it’s fruition.

Renee Williams (a sweet friend that God placed in my family’s life many years ago) spent the night with me in December 2012 and after many hours of catching up I told her about the prayer journey through schools. I felt like I didn’t even know what to pray anymore.  I went to bed that night and asked God this question…. “Lord, teach me to pray?”  God loves for us to ask for wisdom and he showed up so big.  He didn’t only show up in regards to schools but in so many areas in our life.  Within months we attended a two day conference known as College of Prayer at our church.  That summer I went through the actual bible study by Kay Arthur “Lord teach me to pray.” God taught me so much in that question and prayer.  I learned that a prayer journey was far more than just reaching the destination but finding joy in God’s presence in  the journey.  Chip helped me reframe my prayer life when he communicated... to seek God’s face and not just His hand.  

We toured every school without knowing an answer.  Then one day we walked the halls of Hartfield – I registered Ally immediately.  The atmosphere was precious.  The administration was great.  The teachers were so sweet.  The classroom size was smaller.  Scripture was on the wall.  I left with confidence that this was the perfectly safe environment I was felt would be best for Ally that was naturally timid.   So we began to walk that out. We took our house off the market and began to put one foot in front of the other for the plans that we were confident in that moment.

A few months ago I was really wrestling with what God had for our family to look like.  I wanted 2 more children.  Will adamantly felt like the 2 children we have complete our family.  I will never forget the place I was standing when Abby said, “Why don’t you and Will pray about it for 40 days to seek clarity?”  I came home and enthusiastically told Will about the 40 day prayer journey I wanted to embark on. He enthusiastically did NOT feel the need to pray about growing our family but was willing.

After much discussion, Will agreed. We desired to be on the same page about the future of our family. But more importantly, we desired for our family to be in the will of God. So we began our 40 day prayer journey. We were faithful to pray and consistently ask God the same question. My question to God was “What do you have for our family to look like?  What do you have our home to look like?”  The journey ended with a shift of my heart to maybe not ever having more biological children, but instead a home that I could open the doors and allow anyone to walk through that needed to be loved.  My heart shifted to be a family to anyone that needed one. I learned to trust that Will would always be willing to say yes to whatever God asked us to do.  

Our prayer journey ended after 40 days, but what followed would rock our world. 

Within a week of the 40 days being over a note was left on our door from someone that wanted to buy our house. (reminder there was no sign in the yard) A note that would change our life forever.  

Wills OCD personality rose to the surface and within a week we had looked on the internet for houses, walked through houses, met with bankers, met with a builder (shout out to Tim Neese) – he ran along side of Will every step of the way as we looked at property to buy.  Every blade of grass was looked at in Rankin County.  Will drove from every neighborhood to see the exact time it would take for us to do life.  Unfortunately, Will and I were not seeing eye to eye.  Will wanted land. I wanted to run into my neighbor when I walked out the door.  There was not one option that we both felt great about.  

A friend called us about a house in a neighborhood in Madison.   This was a neighborhood we had looked in before but was off our radar.   I had only looked at Old Madison recently that would allow me to still do life in Flowood, the area that I had loved for 10 years. Instead, this was right in the middle of Madison and I knew the distance would not allow us to continue doing life routinely in Flowood.  The house had a contract on it.  I have no idea why we even went to look.  We were both weary.  Our children were beginning to think house hunting was our hobby.  We walked in the house and within 3 minutes Will said, “I think this is our home.” WHAT?????? This was not my plan.  This changed everything – schools, churches, friends…

That was a Tuesday.

Wednesday – I prayed and called in the troops for wisdom.  My emotions were not lining up with the plan.  I left messages with 2 women in my life that have walked me through many emotions.

We went back to look at it Thursday and I prayed and fasted.  I spent the day with my mom.  What a blessing to have someone listen to your heart that has known your heart since you cried your first cry.  She reminded me that closing a chapter that I loved would be hard.  It involved people that I cherish.  But that just because it was hard did not mean it wasn’t right.  The 2 women each left separate messages – one had no idea what school district our girls would be in but talked about how much she loved Madison Station (we serve a God of details) – this is the school where the girls will be going.  The other left a message of her heart for Madison and provided amazing encouragement in that God can change our territory and reminded me that God had called Will to lead our family. She also reminded me that God often brings insight to the leader sooner than he does the follower.  By the time I walked back through the house that night God had met me.  My heart had shifted.  

I graciously had friends ask me hard questions, pray earnestly, encourage me and listen to my heart when I did not even know what my heart felt….

I felt like I was walking through the stages of a job interview…You have a job that you love and another company calls you for an interview…There are many questions that have to be walked through…And then you learn the job requires you to move….The ONLY way you would take the job is if you felt like GOD had called you to take it.  I was sitting on the beach when Amy Horner asked me the question “Is it a calling?”  At the time she asked that I think Will would have said YES, but I was not there yet.  My heart was hesitant – saying “yes” to God was saying “no” to a lot of things that I loved.  

Our buyers  buyer fell through…so he couldn’t buy our house…Yes the guy that left the note…Will met with Teresa Renkenberger…Will did not feel like the journey was over….Our house resold in 3 days…Formal contract on the new house was in writing and we found out at midnight on June 9th that it was formally ours….

Papers were signed on June 25th

We were about to sell the house we have called home, raised children in, let people live with us that needed a place in transition, the bible has been studied in,  laughter has been shared….

On the 26th we closed on the house that we will call home until God changes our territory .  So our next chapter begins….

I have processed more emotions in one month than I have in my entire life. Our routine has changed…New faces in the grocery store, new neighbors that I only know their name and not their life story, asking the question who is going to be my new 5 am running friend (Amy Sherman – I miss you!!!), a new school,  new church, …

God has met me in so many ways it makes me smile - both spiritually and practically.

I’ll never forget when I was in the youth group swinging by a lake at a church camp and my heart was sad because the seniors were graduating.  Mary Margaret Holliman said “Your sadness in goodbyes comes because you have loved.  The alternative is to not love and then goodbyes will not be sad.” So today I am sad because I have loved so many people that have crossed my path in the last 10 years.  My heart will forever be changed for my time in the Reservoir area.  

I began to worship today at church and the song was sung “The maker of the heavens knows my name.” My heart sunk as I thought He knows my name but not many people in this room do.  The sermon of the cross reminded me of the rest of the song.

The make of the heavens knows my name...the author of the oceans gave me grace...My soul, my soul will ever sing your praise - Almighty God, almighty God...Your touch can set the weary captives free...Your love has changed the course of history...and with your arms wide open...you gave your life to save...The hands that formed creation were pierced for me that day….

I can not wait to see what God has next for us as he continues to unfold what he has for our family and our home to look like.  If I had to answer that question today that Amy asked me on the beach “Is this a calling?”  My answer would be YES.  I can’t wait to wake up each morning and love God and love the new people God has put in my path.  I can not wait to know the story of the faces that are in my routine.

The reality is that in this life it really doesn't matter how many people know my name. What really matters is that I am helping people learn the name of Jesus. Above all else I desire for His name to be glorified! 

4th of July Challenge

One year ago we moved to Clinton to live at Down Range. If you haven't heard of Down Range then check out their website www.cjstewart.org. 

We love the ministry at Down Range. Recently CJ has been running Manhood Academy for high school and middle school boys. We have heard so many stories from kids and parents about how their lives were impacted while at camp! 

Since we have lived at Down Range, we have gained a whole new appreciation for our military. Men and women who serve in the US Military are admirable. They love their country... Deeply. They love each other even more deeply. They have a brotherhood that is indescribable. 

And they love an American Flag! 

Since the Fourth of July is coming up soon, I decided to have a small fundraiser to raise money for Down Range's next project.... A paintball course! 

Construction will be underway very soon! 

My goal: 500$ 

(obviously this won't build the whole course but ever little bit counts, right?!) 

How I hope to reach the goal: 

Sell 10 wooden flags for 50$ each. Custom painted.

How you can help:

Buy a flag!! 

Or you could just donate to the CJ Stewart foundation if you don't want a flag! 

Why is this blog titled "4th of July Challenge?"

I am glad you asked! 

Instead of buying a flag for yourself, I challenge you to purchase a flag for someone you know in the US Military! 

If you do this, your purchase is a double blessing: Down Range plus directly saying thank you to someone you know personally that serves our country. 

Now for the photos! 

These are solid wood. 

Sizes range from 11x14 to 11x18. 

They are able to stand on their own. 

You probably don't want to have to have these shipped :-) 

Close up of the texture on the flag! This flag is a deeper red than the following flag. 

This flag is a true bright red. The wood on this one is completely covered with caulk and painted.

Baby boy flag! Would be very cute in a nursery. 

 Baby girl flag. Would be precious in a nursery. The blue is a little more tuquoise in person. 

ReAdy. Set. Happy 4th!! 

Our Sunday Morning

Lee has been out of town for the past several days so this morning I was getting the boys ready for church... Alone :-) I think parents everywhere can agree that Sunday mornings have a natural chaos about them. For whatever reason, it is just hard to get yourself, your spouse and those wild kiddos out the door and to church on time. 

This morning my boys were playing with the money in their cash register. I was rushing around trying to get everything we needed when Miller walked up to me with a hand full of money and said, "Mama, I wanna take dis money to da church and I think I might cuuuld buy somfin there." I looked down at him and my initial thought was, "what in the world? We don't have time for that! And there is nothing to buy at the church!" 

 

BUT... Luckily I refrained from speaking any of those thoughts. 

Instead I just said "Okay Miller. You can take 2 pieces of money with you. But I don't think you are going to be able to buy anything at church."  

We resumed with getting into the car and heading to church. 

On the way to church I honestly forgot about the money. I had zero expectations as my primary goal was to get everyone to church on time and safely. 

We arrived. I unbuckled the boys and when Miller jumped out of the van I noticed that he was clinging tightly to those two very large, fake pieces of money. I smiled. 

It was a bustling morning at church. (They literally had to ask people to scoot over because it was so crowded in the service). 

When we walked through the front doors of the church, we just happened to see our campus pastor. I told him hello and when he began to greet Miller I said, "he brought that money with him because he thought he just might be able to buy something." 

Our pastor responded by saying, "Sure! We can find him something to buy!" 

About that time, the Preschool Minister walked up to all of us. The pastor looked at her and said (as if Miller's mission to buy something was his main concern) "he is looking for something to buy with that money he has. Do you think we could find something?"  She responded, "Yeah! We can find him something to buy. What about a pen?" So she led us over to the front desk and told the workers at the desk what Miller was wanting to do. So they "sold" him a pen. 

Miller just grinned a sheepish grin. He was so proud. 

As I sat down in church I was replaying the whole scenario. I was overcome with gratitude to be in this community and at Pinelake Clinton (our church). Two of the church's busiest people this morning took time to help a 3 year old purchase something with his fake money. 

I was reminded of the African Proverb "It takes a village to raise a child." 

There is such truth in that! I desire to raise boys who become confident men. I want Miller to be creative in his thinking and dream big. I want him to be able to make a decision about something and walk it out confidently. 

This morning a 3 year old boy independently decided to take some money along and buy something. There were so many things that could have crushed his plan and his confidence. However, a village of people came around my child. Miller will never remember that pen. 

But

Today a seed of confidence was planted in him. One day that tiny boy will be a man. Lee and I are fully aware that we need a village to help us raise him well. 

Thank you for BEING THE VILLAGE! 

TShirts & 33 months!

Tomorrow we will have officially been waiting 33 months! 

As of now, our "target" waiting time frame remains 36-40 months. We are praying that we receive a referral within that time frame! For those of you in this process also, I received that time frame from my family coordinator. 

I don't have much to update on the adoption process other than that time mark. 

We do, however, need to sell these t-shirts!! They have been in our closet since the 5K in November. 

It. Is. Time. 

So.. First come. First serve. 

We will sell them for 10$ each. Please add 3$ shipping per shirt. Sorry guys, shipping just isn't cheap. 

About these shirts. 

They run BIG! Like really big. Like extra really big. 

I wear a medium and it is long on me. 

BUT they are so so so comfy!! I love my shirt! 

We only have sizes M, L and XL

Here's a picture of them! 

Ready. Set. Buy! 

31 months waiting!!

Today, March 31, 2015 marks 31 months that we have officially been on the waiting list for Malachi! 

THIRTY-ONE MONTHS

Thirty-one months ago our agency mailed our Dossier to Ethiopia. It still sits in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia to this day. We still sit here... Waiting. 

So today I emailed our family coordinator at our adoption agency. This is what my email said:

Hey,
I've been talking with my husband and we've been looking at the "unofficial DTE list" which I know isn't entirely accurate, but I was wondering... Am I being unrealistic to hope for a referral within the next year? I know y'all can't really give a straight answer on that, but I have just been driving myself crazy and I think that a word from you might help me! 

Thanks,

Abby  

And this was her response... Which I found to be encouraging!! 

Excuse the adoption jargon. 

Hi Abby, 

We are currently matching families once they've waited 36-48 months, families open to boys are being matched around 36-40 months right now so its been a bit quicker for male requests lately. 

If wait times continue to stay the same you can anticipate a referral anywhere between August 2015-August 2016 (you will have been waiting 36 months in August). I would not anticipate you receiving a referral before August but I cant guarantee that wait times wont again increase during your wait.

The biggest thing that could affect your wait time besides how many babies we refer (making it on the shorter end or even longer than 48 months) will be how many families who have waited longer than you do concurrent family building, either going on hold or coming off of hold over the next year or so. At any point in time there are a lot of families who are on hold for various reasons in our program (either they let their I171H expire, are concurrent family building or other reasons). When many families are on hold or go on hold above you it makes it likely that you could be matched sooner and I have seen that affect a lot of families. I have also seen it affect families in the other way where all of a sudden many of our on hold families become eligible again and we then are going back up the list and matching those families. This is one of many reasons why its so hard for me to say with confidence what it will look like for you over the next year. 

Let me know if you have questions or if I can help you think through anything else. 

Blessings, 

Basically it is all still a toss up, but the fact that we are on the cusp of baby boy referrals makes me very happy. We are 31 months waiting and boys have been referred to families waiting 36-40 months. 

That's any time between August and December of this year!! 

But I also understand that though it could be as quick as this year or early 2016, that we also may have to wait longer than that because adoption is so unpredictable. 

Regardless, we cannot wait until the day we finally see our son's face! 

Speaking of faces! Yesterday we celebrated ONE YEAR of sponsorship with Yeabkal through Compassion International. One year ago we fell in love with the little boy in this photo. 

Now look how much he has grown... 

What a difference a year makes! I know those pictures are blurry... Excuse that please. 

We are also hopeful that while we are in Ethiopia that we will get to meet this little fella! My goal is to get a picture with him smiling 😊

And if you can spare 38$ a month, child sponsorship is well worth it! 

Today was a good, hopeful day in this journey! 

29 months of waiting

January 31 marked 29 months that we have "officially" been on the waiting list! 

29 MONTHS!! 

It still amazes me that this process has taken so long. However, Malachi is WORTH THE WAIT!! 

I know that most of you are thinking "well how much longer until you get him??"

That's a great question!! I ask God that same question on a DAILY basis! Although we don't know exactly when will will get him, we do know a few "statistics" within our agency. These are merely statistics and give us a rough estimate of time. 

Before I talk about "wait times," I feel like I need to clarify that we have NOT been matched with a child yet. We are waiting to be matched. Once we finally are matched and we see his face... You will know about it... TRUST ME. 

Please attempt to follow my adoption jargon for a minute!

There are 2 main ways we are tracking approximately "how much longer we have." 

Here they are:

The first tracking method:

We have been waiting 29 months. 

Our DTE (Dossier To Ethiopia) day was August 31, 2012. On that day, we were officially paperwork ready to receive a referral (match) therefore we were placed on our agency's waiting list. 

Okay... So... 

Our DTE was August 31, 2012

Our agency currently estimates a wait time of 36-48 months from DTE date to referral (being matched). 

We are 29 months from Our DTE date. 

Based on those estimates... We could receive a referral anywhere from 7 to 19 months from now. Ha! Talk about a large gap of time! Plus those times are subject to change! When we first entered the program, the estimated wait times were 12-18 months! 

Obviously that has changed drastically! 

The second tracking method:

This is our "number" on the waiting list. 

I need to clarify. Our agency does NOT give us an official waiting list number every month. So any "number" that I say we are is a unofficial number.  

So where does the list of numbers come from? 

It's been around within our agency long before we were adopting. Basically, when you enter the Ethiopia program with America World, the agency encourages you to get in two main groups for support and encouragement. One group is a Yahoo Group, the other is a closed Facebook Group. Once you are in those groups you can be "added" to the unofficial list. Basically, you tell the "keeper of the list" (which is just another mom in the program volunteering to keep up with the list) when your DTE date was and what your parameters are. 

For example:

Blackburn Family

DTE 8/31/12

Requesting a boy age 0-24 months 

Once you communicate that to the groups, they add you to the list. 

The "majority" of families volunteer this information and are added to the unofficial list. Some families, however, choose to remain anonymous. 

Since not EVERY SINGLE family is on the list, it is not entirely accurate. However, it does give you a very good idea of where you fall in line! I would estimate that approx 85-90% of families in our agency are on this list because it has been very accurate. 

Whew. Now that that is explained... What number are we?!?!

Well, December and January were amazing months in reference to referrals and movement! 

8 baby boys referrals have gone out!! 

So in the last 2 months we have moved up 8 spots!! 

We are #44 for an infant and #26 for a toddler!! 

I have been so encouraged because there is a possibility that we are even lower numbers than those! 

We stayed in the 60s for what seemed like a year. Now we have flown through the 50s and 40s. 

I cannot wait to get to the 30s!! 

So... How much longer until we get Malachi?? 

I have NO idea. 

But I drive myself nearly psycho tracking the details of when we might be close!! 

And I can feel it in my bones :-) 

We are getting closer!! 

This is us at the Federal Building in Jackson last week. We got our fingerprints done AGAIN! 

We have been working hard to update all of our paperwork so that if baby Malachi gets ready... We are ready too!! 

We lack ONE piece of paper before we are completely up to date on paperwork! 

Sidenote: 

Chip had a double ear infection so he was with us. 

Y'all, please keep praying for us! Pray for Malachi! Keep asking about adoption. We ask that you suffer long with us!! We know that God will bless you for continuing to lift us up to Him. We bless you! We thank you! We cannot wait to be on the other side of this journey and to get to share life with Malachi. 

Have a great week!! 

Abby