Somewhere along the way I quit blogging. I quit talking. I just sort of retreated to a place of solitude when it came to our adoption journey.
And I am still here.
But friends do not mistake our silence. We are still very much in this fight for our son in Ethiopia. In fact, since March 1st we have waged war for our son through constant prayer!
And war we have entered into.
Over the past few months we have updated ALL of our paperwork. We are once again eligible to be matched with a child.
And now comes the question "when?"
We do not have an answer for that. It could be next week. Next month. Next year.
I received an email from our adoption coordinator on Friday. The email was informative but not necessarily encouraging. We are close to the top of the list of families waiting to be matched within our agency. However, Ethiopian adoptions are still very, very hard and very, very unpredictable.
I left work Friday extremely upset. I couldn't hold the tears back. I am so tired. On Friday I had absolutely no fight left in me.
And I was angry. Very. Very. Angry.
The temptation to switch programs or routes for adoption overwhelmed my soul. I know that God often changes the course of adoption plans and I am not ruling that out. He just has not given us the green light to do so yet.
Could we adopt faster from China or India or somewhere else? ABSOLUTELY.
But for us this journey has never been about a child. It has always been about being obedient to what Jesus told us to do.
But on Friday... if I am being completely transparent... I was tired of being obedient. I was tired of the whole thing.
God shepherds my heart so perfectly. I knew that in the days to come He would speak and I was preparing my heart to listen.
On Saturday I opened the Word.
And I had a "But because you say so" day. I'm still tired. My heart is so very tender towards our adoption. But because he says so I will climb back into the boat and go back out. I do not want to miss an opportunity to SEE Jesus. For the day will come when I return to the shore and am no longer empty handed.
Walking back into work Saturday morning I received our daily scripture from our mission team.
If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.