Sunday, April 7, 2013

Church Flashback

I'm not real sure what sparked the memory. I have had this memory time and time again during worship at church. It's a memory that almost makes me weep every time. It's simple, but looking back it was such a powerful moment. 
Maybe it was a declaration made in one of the songs. 
Maybe it was Chip referring to Galations 1:10 which reads:
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ." 
Whatever it was that sparked the memory, I am thankful for! 
Worship flowed more freely and my heart declared "Thank You!" 

I share so much on this blog. However, you must know that I only share about 25% of what is going on and what has happened in our lives since we committed to adopt. So many things are held dear to us and treasured by us, and ultimately kept secret by us. 

But this morning I felt the desire to release a small, sweet moment that happened over 2 years ago. 
My memory in church this morning. 

Our church had finished up a sermon series called "Outlive." At the end of the series they asked everyone to pray about 3 different things. Growing (studying), Giving, and Going (Missions). They asked people that if God led them would they commit to those 3 things over the course of the next 2 yrs:
To study the Word like never before
To give more than you had ever given
To go on some sort of mission trip
(notice "adoption" was not listed) 

So Lee and I had entered into covenant with God in each of the above areas. We listed our "specifications" in the blanks and we were filling out 2 different cards. We had talked before we came about missions and tithes so I knew what to put. Studying was an individual thing for us. 
But on the card, there was no where for "adoption." 
Since Lee and I had been called to adopt MONTHS before this day, I felt convicted that morning to officially enter covenant with the Lord on this. 
So at the top of my page I just jotted down "I commit to adopt." I didn't mention it to Lee at that moment. I knew we were on the same page in the adoption area. 

When we got in the car after church, we were navigating through traffic and not talking much. Then Lee looked at me and said, "I didn't tell you this during church, but I wrote on my card that I commit to adopt even though there wasn't a place for that." 

My heart leaped. I sat silent for a moment. 

"I put it on my card too."

Lee smiled. God made SURE that we were on the same page and we didn't even have to discuss "putting it on the card." 

I must insert here that a covenant is a binding agreement. Irreversible. And must not be broken. It is serious people.

VERY few people knew about our decision to adopt. Like a hand full of prayer warriors. We had kept this decision TOP SECRET for several reasons!

The next week I attended church alone because Lee was working. I was VERY pregnant with Miller and didn't have my wedding ring on because I was so swollen :)
I was late.
I signaled to the usher that I only needed a seat for 1. He took me down to the SECOND row in the VERY CENTER of the sanctuary. If you've ever been to Pinelake Rez, it's pretty big :) 9:30 service.
Chip was preaching, preaching, preaching.
Then all of a sudden he brought up the week before.
He said that to the church's surprise, tons of families had written on their card "we commit to adopt" even though that wasn't an option. He thanked the Lord for the brand new movement in our church.
And then.
He said, "You know what? If you happen to be one of these families that wrote this on your card, would you mind just standing up right where you are right now because we want to pray for you as a church?"
(insert me pregnant and panicking)
"Chip you cannot be serious. Oh my gosh what do I do? No one knows about this. People are sure to see me! I am on the front dang row!!!! I'm pregnant, no ring, and ALONE today. I promise I have a husband. I'm not a weird pregnant girl wanting to adopt. Who will see me? What will they think? Will I be the ONLY person standing in the whole place?"

My legs began shaking. Heart pounding.

I pressed my hands onto the arm rests and lifted my body to standing.

I clasped my hands together and tears began to uncontrollably roll down my cheeks.

It was as if I was standing before the Lord saying, "Here I am. Yes. We will do this."

The church prayed and I was allowed to sit back down :)
I think I cried the remainder of the sermon.
But something washed over me in that moment!
I know.... that in that moment... my Daddy looked down from heaven and said "that's my girl."

And today. The flashback was so sweet. I was once so afraid and didn't know if I could fully trust God in such a big call. A call to please Him instead of people.
A call to go against the social norm.
A call to enter deeper into relationship with Jesus.

Praise God He helped me stand that day! My life has never been the same!

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